IrenicEmbers

So, I’ve worked six days a week for the past 3-4 weeks and it’s beginning to take it’s toll. I was supposed to send out Save the Date cards, but now, it’s just a matter of trying to find a place to have this effing wedding and sending out the invitations instead.

So tired all the time. I racked up 48 hours alone last week on my paycheck. Which is good.

Have to focus on the good.

Alright, I have no idea why this is still bugging the shit out of me, but last week I sat through the entire seventeen minutes of this footage. The first emotion that I felt was white hot burning anger, anger that the officer was so adamant about admonishing the family during apparent duress. The anger, a week later, hasn’t really faded.

I’ve been reading about the story unfolding, about how the officer apologized and the family accepted and everything. The thing that still irks me, is that the NFL player was driving to the HOSPITAL. If someone ran a red light in the middle of the night and pulled up into a hospital’s parking lot, my first thought wouldn’t be… “lemme make sure he’s insured”. It would be, “is everything ok, how can I assist?”

Yahoo! News cited one or few times that this was racial and the fact that it was a young white cop that pulled over a young black guy seems to back that up. I have no doubt that it has racial underlinings. What gets me, is that the cop wasn’t a good ole boy from Texas… he is 25. TWENTY FIVE. Haven’t we come far enough that race is still an issue.

Yes I can be naive.

The night after I found out about this whole drama, I had a discussion with Nick about it that turned into an argument. It wasn’t that I wanted to fight with him about it but I’m so passionately against stupidity. Not that Nick was being stupid .. he was just pointing out that we haven’t progressed far enough as humans. And I’m like… “WHY THE FUCK NOT?”

I was more pissed that he couldn’t give me an answer.

It’s April 1st and I woke up to icy snow falling. In the Pacific NW, this is an anomaly at best. At first I thought it was because I had only three hours of sleep and I was hallucinating.

So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, but this year makes ten since I’ve been blogging. I know that even the cashier at the grocery store has a blog now, but when I started there were maybe a handful of people that were writing their thoughts out in such a public forum.

In the last ten years, I have gone through a lot and my desire to open myself up to the one or two people that read my meandering thoughts has changed forms numerous times. I’ve never made money from this nor have I become popular. I have gained a few friends along the way.

Right now it’s 1am on the dot and I’m listening to deep and introspective music and being deep and introspective myself. It happens every once in a while and usually it’s about that 1am to 3am area.

I don’t know why I write. I wish that I could be more open like I once was, where everything was fair game. Writing is my therapy. Getting it all down, either publicly or privately has allowed me a certain amount of separation. I read back sometimes and from that view, I sometimes see how annoying, surprised or amateur I was.  I waver between saying what’s on my mind and not caring who I offend to being really, really careful about not hurting those in my life.

Anyway, so ten years of writing shit on the internets. I will probably continue and not sure what direction any of this will take me but I know that I will never be giving away mixers and cameras to get people to come read here. Not that I’m bitter at people that do that, I just have to wonder at what point does sincerety ends and materialism takes over.

So, back to my music. Oh … and there will be more “holy-shit-i’m-getting-married” posts coming up.